Saturday, September 20, 2014

Life beyond Quilting

It has been on my mind for sometime the commonality I see and feel about the change that takes place when people get married.  I am married to a wonderful man, and we love each other dearly, but I know that I have become lazy and comfortable around him.  I asked myself recently, "why am I such a slob and don't care that he sees me in my less than fabulous self?"  Now I have a small child and I had her when we were dating so that hasn't changed.  We did build a new house last year, but really I had a house before so that really hasn't changed.  I have always worked so that hasn't changed.  So what is it that has changed?  An example of the change of marriage I refer to is this:  I can't see, like really can't see.  Without contacts or glasses I can not see the BIG E on the eye chart!  Don't get me wrong I am oh so grateful to have corrective lenses, but, my hideous glasses are huge and thick and make my eyes look way too small for my face.  I DO NOT wear these in public at all for anyone, but I will just rock them all day at home and not care.  Which is the comfort part of marriage I refer too.  The lazy part, and I am totally telling on myself, is shaving my legs!  I am very tall and have long legs and it is a process to smooth these babies out!  I am not saying I am a woolly mammoth, but I for sure push it especially during the winter months!  When we were dating I was really up on this and would be so embarrassed if I noticed I missed a spot.    This is somewhat comfort but mostly lazy.  So I say all that, to ask, What is it about marriage that totally changes ones behavior in regards to the the relationship we are in and the effort we put into ourselves? 
For me, and I may be the only one, it was like a oh we are married now so where are my nappy sweat pants and ratty t-shit!  I have been trying to track this down as to when exactly I became a marriage slob!  I think in my case it was gradual, with increasing intensity.  Now don't get me wrong not all of this is a bad thing.  It is a blessing to have someone who loves you and thinks you are beautiful as a slob, but should that make me put forth no effort at all.  Now if we get a date (rare) then I dress up do my hair and actually wear makeup.  I do this on Sundays for church also.  To continue with the rare date, why so rare, as I said we don't have any extra kids that we didn't have while dating, so why can't we date anymore. Oh we don't want to spend money on that, but why we did before.  So I hope you see the pattern of what I am calling the marriage slob transformation, has taken for me.  Now we have no actual marriage problems, at all.  We rarely even argue, we are best friends, and I truly believe soul mates (you can throw up now if you want).  He totally gets me and is ok with that lol! Rare find indeed.  So I had always seen these "oh marriage is hard work" statements, and Lord knows I have been there before and it didn't work out.  I don't really feel like we "work" hard to be happy, but maybe I have missed something.  Maybe this work I always heard about isn't working at the marriage as a whole, but working on keeping yourself from becoming the lazy, comfortable, complacent marriage slob.  Hummm LIGHT BULB moment for me, as I was shaving my legs this morning, for church tomorrow  (not with my husband in mind)!  For me specifically,  I don't want to speak for him, the work I need to do is to make myself feel sexier, so I am more receptive to his perception of me as being sexy.  He says I am all the time, and when I am in my miss matched pjs, glasses and crazy hair, I can't help but think LIAR!  I know in my heart that he does see me that way, although I don't know why. So if I was to work on myself and not being a slob and feeling like a slob then I think we could be teenage loves again lol!  That is what we always said while dating we had teenage love.  The kind where you  have to be up each other's butts, touching each other,  and making everyone else sick to watch kind of love.  We are still that way to a point, but it too has become lazy and comfortable.  So does anyone else feel this way?  Am I alone in my marriage slobbery?  Now I know if you have new kiddos and other responsibilities different than when it was all fun and games dating it would be a different deal.  We are not in that situation at this time, so if we ever do decide to have a baby I don't want to fall further into slobbery.  I need to "work" on my marriage by working on myself! 

Side note:
I know this post has absolutely nothing to do with quilting or anything, but most of us are wives and mothers, and I have really been wondering if I was just a mess.  I figured this was an issue with others, and like me you may have never even thought about it like this.  It could totally just be me I am a weirdo so that is ok too! 

I have been sewing and am actually about to finish up a quilt soon so more on that another time!!!

1 comment:

  1. I just found your blog and read this post. I agree on the "slob" issue. I see my daughters doing the same thing. I don't think its wrong, but I've always tried my hardest to keep my legs shaved at least every two days and a touch of makeup on and hair fixed everyday unless I'm sick. We have been married almost 34 years and this has worked for me.


Thank you for stopping by!